This will Freak your Freak

I really don't EVEN know where to start this one....
so here goes.
I really feel like I've had a heavy heart lately. And I know that one of the biggest reasons for that is that is because it's September. This week is Angela's birthday. Angela is one of my very best friends. She passed away 1 year ago this past January. I have such a big lump in my throat as I typed that...it's still so hard to believe it. April marked 5 years since she received her liver transplant. That was such a turning point in her life. She was so thankful to that family. She was able to play, swim, jump with her girls again. She was the most beautiful soul, inside and out. She had the BEST laugh...I can almost hear it now...oh, how I wish I could hear it now.
And then she started feeling bad again. And went for tests. And the drs said she had leukemia. I'll never, ever forget the day she called me to tell me. I froze in my living room and just cried with her and tried to tell her that she was going to be fine, just fine. She was, after all, the strongest person I knew! She was living with someone elses liver...she could do this!! So I watched her body transform right before my eyes. Her gorgeous hair quickly fell out and her body started to swell and turn weak from her treatments. Her faith and spirit were inspirational. She often mailed me cards, all of which I cherish. If there's somebody in your life, even if you don't talk everyday, or every week, send them a card, tell them how much they mean to you...you never know how much that might mean to them one day.
So last week, James and I had to drive to Dallas and we drove by one of the hospitals that I had visited Angela at. And it just made my heart hurt. We kept driving and we drove right by Dallas Methodist, where she received her liver transplants and so many of her treatments. My minds just couldn't stop. Then I saw a billboard of a lady, thanking others for the gift of organ donation. Really? All in one drive? So 2 days later, the kids stayed at my mom's for the night and James had drill. I decided that I needed to go to church. So there I stood, by myself. I watch Mark (my pastor) who's wife Julie (my precious friend) is now in the hospital again because they have found more cancer. She has been battling for 4 years and they've just found a new spot. She's going in for surgery in the morning. I'm standing there, watching Mark worship. He has such amazing faith...he's praising, dancing, clapping, singing at the top of his lungs. He is. Mark is. Mark, who's wife is in the battle of her life. Yet, he knows without a doubt that this faith of his...it is true. So, I'm standing there, by myself, crying...watching Mark, thinking of Julie, thinking of how I wish Angela were standing next to me...just like she used to be...just like she should be. And I just feel like my heart has been so heavy with all of this lately.
Then today, I'm sitting in the carpool lane waiting for my Kennedie to get out of school, thinking. I'm thinking about the husband and 2 beautiful daughters that Angela left behind. I decided that I wanted to email him to let him know that I've been thinking about them and how much we love them (they went to our church, but I haven't seen them in months). So once we got home, I unloaded the kids, gathered the recycle bin from the curb, and checked the mail.
(side note...several years ago...I received a cooking magazine in the mail, sort of a gourmet magazine. Turns out, Angela had seen it and saw that it had this neat section in the beginning each month...tips and tricks...like, for an evenly sliced strawberry, use your egg slicer...and thought I'd like it, so she ordered me a subscription. It's been probably 3 years since I've gotten one in the mail.) So, I about fell into the street when I opened the mailbox and saw that there was a brand new issue of this months cooking magazine! Today of all days!! They sent it to me as an offer to renew now, get an additional year free...and I think I'm going to do it, just so I can have that little reminder of her each month. AND, the offer says to reply by Oct 13...her daughter's 15th birthday...wow.
And one more...in case that didn't freak your freak! ha! She received a liver transplant because she had Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) and we did a benefit walk in Southlake in her name each year. Our team name was Angela's Army and I really wanted to do it in honor of her this year. The walk is this weekend, and I am unable to do it because we are going to James' Firefighter Challenge in Tyler. I was crushed when I found out.
I've never really thought one way or another about these sort of things. But when all of these things just sort of happened all at once, I really do think it's her way of telling me that she's ok and that I'm going to be ok. Since she passed away while James was in Iraq, I really don't feel like I was able to mourn her loss. I was in a survival mode of sorts, taking care of my kids, myself and the house, worried about James. I really feel like maybe, just maybe she saw my reaction to that magazine and really did give that amazing laugh of hers...

{disclaimer...I am not proofreading this...and I did not sleep well last night and I have a splitting headache now, but I really wanted to get this off of my chest. so hopefully it makes sense and isn't just babble}